Jul 13 2009
One thing i wanted the most in my life….
At first glance, you might be mistaking infatuation with love. I know i have been. When you really love someone, you need to put forth all the effort that you can give in order to get to know them and make it work.
I myself have been looking forward to meet that soulmate who i have been looking for all of my life. It has been a lonely ride especially since i lost the source of my inspiration (infatuation) back in highschool, the apple of my eyes back in college and the first love (or was it) when i did not pursue or let the girl of my dreams know how i really felt about her until i found out that she was already taken and now engaged. My heart was broken and smashed when i heard the news. I never knew if i could ever get the courage that i needed to start a new one.
Right now i have not seen that one single person who would really make me happy just by looking at her. When i get to meet her, i will make sure to cherish every moment with her. But first, i need to have the courage to tell her exactly how i feel. I fear rejection the most. I hate hearing “NO” whenever i make even 1 simple request. This has been the one main reason why i have not been able to meet my soulmate or had a steady relationship.
I am now putting my heart and love on my sleeve. I know this is gonna be a big step but i do hope that this will pay off big time. I’m really scared that i get to lose someone again and never had a chance to hear her “YES or NO” when i get to ask her if she would like to be the one for me..
How would you know if that special someone that you’re looking for is right in front of your very own eyes? Sometimes the one we cherish the most are the ones who do not even care to look us in the eye. The ones who really care for us are the ones that we ignore and do not give attention to when needed. Sometimes i just wish that if someone likes me, i prefer hearing it directly from them instead of them giving out mixed signals coz i am bad at getting it or interpreting them.
I have been hurt too many times that i think it wouldn’t hurt anymore if i ever get rejected again. Sometimes i think i’d just be a bachelor all my life but then again it kills me seeing happy couples with their kids out in the park having fun. I also wished to start a family of my own and give them the best quality of life possible.
The road is long and life moves on.. I know that as i go through my journey in life, i will get to meet up with that special someone whom i will be spending the rest of life with. Sometimes i think that time is starting to take its toll on me but i am positive that my soulmate is right there, maybe in front of me, looking me in the eye or just standing in the corner of the room looking at me from a distance. As what some friends told me, the right person and the right time will come… you just need to wait for it.
